I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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