you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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