Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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