what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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