wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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