Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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