My friends, they love my intelligence
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
