dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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