It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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