Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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