his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
