someone threw a dead crab at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
