I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
