brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
