Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come see our sink grown plant.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
