the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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