I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
