A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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