I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
