Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
