Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
