can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Watching her eat just hurts me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
