I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
