Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
