he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
