halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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