the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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