You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
