I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
