First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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