WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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