1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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