so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
