no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Randomize
