i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
