I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize