In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
