just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
