While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
