I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
