I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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