Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Randomize
