Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
