hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
