your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
