I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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