She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
