Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't shave. On purpose
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
