Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
