So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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