I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
