Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
